Talking About Sexuality

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Conflict between safety and abstinence: Does there seem to be a conflict between teaching abstinence and teaching about safe sex? One way to resolve the conflict is to say, "You aren't old enough to engage in sexual intimacy now. But when the time does come, these are the ways to keep yourself safe and healthy..."

Don't forget morality: Please also don't forget to teach your children and young adults that an intimate relationship with a married person is wrong. This has to be more than a safety issue for them, because young people tend to not think bad things will happen to them. This lesson must come from an inner belief that it's morally wrong, hurtful, inappropriate AND unsafe. The lessons should point to people who have behaved badly (including relatives and high-profile people like entertainers, sports figures, senators, and presidents), and it should examine the myriad ways that people (especially the children) have been hurt by the behavior.

Tell them they're beautiful: We can't tell you how many times we've heard this: "Don't tell her she's beautiful! She'll start to believe it!" We think this attitude is incredibly destructive to a child's self-esteem. It's our gut feeling that all children - male or female - need affirmation of their attractiveness. If they don't receive it from their parents, they'll go looking for it elsewhere (often from all the wrong places). Your children shouldn't be told that that beauty is all that matters, or that they must meet some societal ideal. But your children should be told -- frequently and sincerely -- that they are beautiful and worthwhile people to you.

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