- Don't force your child to participate.
- If your child does participate, then be
proud, and most of all -- be there.
- Do listen for your child's desires, fears,
and doubts -- and take them seriously. Watch for behavior
that says your child isn't having fun (acting out, headaches, feigned
illnesses, sleeping difficulties, performance anxiety). Give your child
permission to say, "No more."
- Remember
that the activity is not about you -- it's about the child. Don't stake your
ego or self-esteem on the outcome of the activity or on your child's
performance. Remember that activities for children should be designed mostly
for fun.
- Do insist that the activity be safely
conducted. Take the time to find out what "safe" means for that activity.
- Makes sure the activity is free of drugs,
alcohol, tobacco -- or sexual or gang-related activity.
- Do not yourself use drugs, alcohol or tobacco
during the activity.
- Don't force others to accept your child into
the activity, unless there are extenuating circumstances and your child is both capable
and powerfully motivated to be accepted.
- Do teach your child to accept it when things
don't go his/her way.
- Do not pressure your child to engage in
age-inappropriate activities.
- Don't encourage, force or condone behavior
from anyone (including yourself) that's unhealthy, unsafe, or unfair.
- Do support, be proud of and praise your child
-- regardless of the outcome of the activity or your child's performance. If your child
isn't trying as hard as you'd like, gently try to find out why. Perhaps your child doesn't
enjoy that particular activity anymore, and a compromise can be found. Remember, life is
short, and childhood even shorter. When in doubt, see #1 (Don't force your child to
participate).
- Get involved. Learn what the activity is all
about. Help with sets, organization, coaching, driving, snacks, safety, supplies,
promotion, etc. But leave the coaching, teaching and instruction to the folks in charge.
- Don't embarrass your child (make sure you
KNOW what embarrasses your child).
- Don't laugh at, ridicule, criticize, yell at,
or abuse your child -- or someone else's child -- for making a mistake, performing poorly
or losing a competition. Do cheer from the sidelines and acknowledge great
plays by all players/sides/teams.
- After the game, do thank the
officials and coaches. Congratulate your child and your child's teammates.
Compliment other players as well on good plays or skills.
- On the way home, ask open-ended
questions of your child and then listen carefully to the answers. Try to be
patient and allow your child to think through the answers to questions like
these: How did the game go? What was your favorite part? What did you learn
today? What did you wish had gone differently?
- Do teach your child to play (or work) by the
rules and to resolve disagreements without resorting to hostile, rude, abusive, mean or
violent behavior. Make sure you do, too.
- Teach your child to treat everyone else
involved in the activity with respect and goodwill -- regardless of race, creed, skin
color, gender or ability. Make sure you do, too.
- Do teach your child to place the emotional
and physical well-being of themselves and other children ahead of personal desires to win
or do well. Make sure you do, too.
- Do teach your child -- especially your
younger children -- to value self-improvement and effort (on their part and on the part of
others). Teach them to take pleasure in small gains. And then make sure you do, too.
