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Parents of Boys

If you have an infant boy, we feel it important to alert you to recent research. We're seeing more articles, books, essays, research studies and television programs about the difficulty North American boys are having socially and academically. (Please note that these comments are meant generally, and may not be applicable to an individual or a specific situation). Additionally, we aren't pushing a particular stance on this topic -- we're simply aiming to illustrate some of what's being reported. If you have something to add, please tell us.

What Are the Issues Being Reported?
What Might Be Causing Problems?
What Are People Doing?
For More Information: Go to Support for Parents

(single parents, of multiples, of teens, of boys, of exceptional, working, divorced, in uniform)
Go to Support for Parents
(single parents, of multiples, of teens, of boys, of exceptional, working, divorced, in uniform)

What Are the Issues Being Reported?

Here are a few statistics we've heard and read about boys versus girls:

	Most of the children earning failing grades in school are boys. Not surprisingly, boys account for most of the children being held back a grade and most of the children dropping out of school.
	Universities predict that -- if current trends continue -- in five years, girls will outnumber boys in college by 3 to 2.
	The vast majority of students labeled as "learning disabled" are boys.
	About three-quarters of the children diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (and also most of the children prescribed medication for it) are boys.
	The vast majority of children with alcohol and drug violations are boys -- and the prime suspects in most juvenile court cases are boys.
	The writing skills of the average 11th-grade boy is estimated to be at about the level of the average 8th-grade girl.
	Most of the members of social and academic clubs and societies are girls.

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What Might Be Causing Problems?

The bottom line of most of what we've heard and read is that today's fast-paced society increasingly expects boys to learn as quickly and in the same way as girls learn -- and it isn't allowing for biological, social and environmental differences.

	Not accounting for emotional needs. Some studies show male newborns to be more "emotionally demonstrative" than female newborns, and some researchers believe that although boys become less so, they remain more "emotionally reactive." Nevertheless, over time, boys do appear to become less verbal, articulate, and direct about emotional issues. It seems logical to us that any boy who learns to not speak up about emotional needs or vulnerabilities might be seen by parents, caregivers and educators as not having any.
	Reacting differently to boys and girls who are upset. When a little girl cries, adults are more inclined to sympathize and reassure. But when a boy cries, adults are more inclined to tell him that "big boys don't cry," that he should be "tough," and that he should brush himself off and get going. Anger is a much more socially acceptable emotion for boys than it is for girls.
	Not allowing for physical needs. Some studies show that boys tend to be more physical, less attentive, and more in need of breaks and recess. Some people charge that unrealistic expectations of boys' ability to sit quietly have led to the much higher incidences of ADHD diagnoses and medicating of boys. For more on ADHD and the concerns, go here.
	Not accounting for different ways of learning. Boys are thought to learn more slowly than girls do, and they generally excel at different tasks. For example, girls are more capable of quickly processing and verbalizing information; boys are better at gross motor skills. Girls tend to examine information from several different levels; boys tend to think and behave in a more linear fashion.
	Boys get off to a bad start. Boys do not develop at the same rate as girls. But when they begin school at 4-6 years of age, they're expected to perform at the same levels. Today's classrooms are increasingly accelerated and fast-paced, and boys who stumble in the beginning can easily (and incorrectly) come to see themselves as "dumb" or incapable.

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What Are People Doing?

Some of the ways people are working to change the status quo:

	Delaying entrance into kindergarten to give boys time to catch up to girls developmentally.
	Making a point of addressing boys' emotional needs -- even when those needs aren't expressed openly
	Helping boys find ways of articulating their thoughts and feelings in comfortable ways
	Forming single-sex classrooms or even single-sex schools to allow boys the room to learn and behave appropriately
	Allowing boys more time to process information and to respond to questions
	Deliberately eliciting participation from boys in co-ed settings
	Allowing boys more time to play physically and release stress
	Allowing boys to learn the way they learn best. For example, some educators say boys find it helpful to do something physical while they're upset or working through a problem (like standing, walking, rocking, jiggling a leg, fingering a pencil, squeezing a stress ball).
	Encouraging participation of fathers in their sons' education
	Offering parenting classes specifically tailored to fathers
	Encouraging more males to become caregivers and teachers (only a small fraction of elementary school teachers are male, and males in the caregiving fields are a rarity)

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For More Information (do you have suggestions for other resources? Please tell us!): Note: Inclusion of a book on this page is done as a courtesy and doesn't necessarily represent Safer Child endorsement.

	Speaking of Boys: Answers to the Most-Asked Questions About Raising Sons - by Michael Thompson (also co-author of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys)
	The Men They Will Become: The Nature and Nurture of Male Character - by Eli Newberger, M.D.
	Boys and Girls Learn Differently!: A Guide for Teachers and Parents -by Michael Gurian, with Patricia Henley and Terry Trueman
	The Wonder of Boys - by Michael Gurian (also author of The Wonder of Girls : Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters)
	Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood - by William Pollack (who also published Real Boys' Voices)
	The WAR AGAINST BOYS: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men - Christina Hoff Sommers
	Lost Boys: Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them - Dr. James Garbarino
	I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression - Terrance Real
	You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation - Dr. Deborah Tannen (who has written several books on gender and communication)
	Bringing Up Boys - Dr. James Dobson
	A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression - Gary E. Nelson

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