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Questions to Ask a Prospective Caregiver/Baby-sitter
If you think
you should be able to trust the caregiver or baby-sitter to operate in the best interest
of your child, you're absolutely right. But many of them don't.
This might seem like a lot of questions, but all of this is
information you need to have. Please don't worry about sounding pushy or bossy. The
answers to these questions are important to your child's safety.
If the person is
reluctant to answer or seems put out by your questions, ask yourself why.
Ask these questions at a quiet time,
when neither of you is distracted. If you can have a spouse or friend listen, you can
get a second opinion from someone who isn't busy asking the
questions. Ask questions in your own way - at your own pace - and
in a gentle, non-threatening manner. Laugh with her. Give her some coffee or tea and a
snack. Allow her a chance to open up to you. And, as always, trust your gut instinct.
There are many caregivers out there, and many will not be right (or even safe) for your
child. Take your time. Think over the responses you get. If you find yourself making
excuses for her (she was probably tired; she was nervous; she was in a hurry; she just
forgot her references; she has a lot going on right now; I was being too hard on her), ask
yourself if making excuses for her is in the best interests of your child.
Don't ever chase a
caregiver or baby-sitter. If she becomes hard to reach, if she's always
busy, if she doesn't return calls, if her prices are exorbitant, if the quality of her
care deteriorates, if your child seems unhappy to see her, if you
or your partner has doubts - LET HER
GO! There are many good caregivers out there. You will be doing yourself and your child an
enormous favor.
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- How long
have you been providing child care? Why did you leave your last position?
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- Are you a legal resident of this
country?
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- Do you have a current state child
care license or registration? May I see the certificate?
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- Do you have any children? How old
are they? Who cares for them? Are you married? Does your husband live with you?
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- Do you like to take care of
children? What do you like best? What do you like least? Can you give me an example? Which
ages do you prefer? Which genders? How many children are too many for you?
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- What are your credentials
(experience, education in child development and training)? Do you continue to receive training? What kind is it?
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- Do you know first aid and CPR (and
if applicable, infant CPR)? This might seem
obvious, but you'd be surprised at how many people take care of babies and children with
no training whatsoever.
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- What would you do in the event of an
emergency? What do you know about shaken-baby syndrome? Describe to me what you would do
if a fire started, or if my child started to choke or drown, or if she fell and cracked
her head, or if you couldn't find her? What if you couldn't reach me?
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- What would you do if someone rang
the doorbell?
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- How would you describe your
personality? How would you describe your caregiving style?
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- What sorts of activities do you do
with the children? What do you not like to do with the children? What would a typical day
be like?
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- I plan to have a background check
done of you at the police station. I will also need to call at least three references,
possibly more. Will this be a problem for you?
But don't tell her you will and then not do it. All caregivers and baby-sitters should
submit to background and criminal checks to rule out anyone with a record of criminal
activity, drug use or child abuse.
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- How were you disciplined as a child?
How do you feel about disciplining children now? Can you give me an example? What if my
child was throwing a tantrum and wouldn't stop? What would you do? What behavior on your
part do you think would constitute child abuse, sexual abuse or neglect?
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- If my child misbehaves, or if
something untoward happens (he won't eat, he won't drink, he falls on his head, walks into
a door, or you're a little rough with him), will I hear about it?
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- Have you ever emotionally, sexually
or physically abused a child in your care? Has a child
ever been injured or died while in your care? You're
going to think these questions
are rude or that the person would just lie to you, but
they are by far the most important pieces of information
you can get. So ask -- you have to know. them anyway and watch
carefully. The caregiver will not be expecting the questions,
and his/her body language and
verbal responses can reflect a less-than-honest answer. He/she might do one or
more of the following: refuse to answer, look away, look down at the floor,
begin to fidget or sweat, purse his/her mouth, hesitate to answer, look upset
or angry, stumble with the answer, begin talking a lot, immediately redirect
the conversation to a different topic, suddenly become "very busy," refer the
question to someone else, promise to get back to you, tell you the information
is private, that it's under investigation, that it's confidential, or that
your question was rude. For many people, "the best defense is an strong
offense," and they will turn the tables on you by putting YOU on the spot,
thereby taking the heat off themselves. So, if the answer you get is "yes," or
if you have doubts about the veracity of the answer, trust your instincts.
Check out the caregiver with the police department and/or just go ahead and
find another caregiver for your child.
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- Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you
do drugs or take medication? Do you have any long-term medical conditions, such as
diabetes, epilepsy, narcolepsy, etc.? Are you pregnant?
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- What happens if I can't make it home
on time? How much notice do you need?
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- Are you willing to do any cooking or
light housekeeping (cleaning up dishes, etc.)?
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- How do you answer the telephone? How
do you take a message? Again, all of this
seems obvious, but you'd be surprised at how rude many people sound on the telephone
without realizing it.
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- Are there outstanding medical,
legal, marital or disciplinary situations with your children, yourself or your husband? You'll have to find a sensitive way to ask this. She will not want
you to pry, but if her son is a budding serial killer, if she's embroiled in a messy
divorce or she faces bankruptcy - you need to know.
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- I'll probably hang around for a
while the first day and watch you with my child. Will that be OK? (Then do it!)
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